When I started this brand, it was meant to be the antithesis to the NHL. A call out of sorts, but also just something silly to have fun and make cool shit. Sure, there's a lot of activism behind this brand, because that's just who I am as a person. But I'm also really fun and silly and try not to take life too seriously.
So imagine my surprise when an NHL team - and not just any NHL, but my FAVORITE NHL team - asked to collaborate with me?
"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?" Is the number one question I get asked when people find out I designed merch for the Anaheim Ducks.
All I can tell people, with a huge small on my face is - "I don't fucking know."
I still really don't, but I can guess that it has to do with being authentically who I am all the time, including at hockey games. I'm a very vocal and outspoken person and my clothes and style match that most of the time. People notice me, I guess. They have my entire life. I'm used it and it doesn't really phase me much.
Last June I attended Santa Ana Pride, where the Ducks have a float with 2SLGBTQIA+ members and allies. I was wearing a prototype of my HOCKEY IS GAY sweatshirt and my unreleased "I like hockey, but in a gay way" shirt and I swear the float stopped. Everyone lost their shit, they pointed, and laughed with me, Wild Wing came over to say hi. It was really fun.
I had known a woman from Honda Center who was always super nice to me and sought me out and made sure I was having a good time at the games. Again, just being me, I met the right person. During the parade she said, "You need to join us in the parade next year!" And I'm thinking, hah, right. That's a nice thing to say, but like, will that actually happen? I didn't think much of it, but it made me happy that people within the hockey community (and people in the inner-most community, at that) UNDERSTOOD the message of the shirt, and why it's important.
I saw her again in June at a draft party and I finally said, after over a year of interacting with this badass lady, "can I please ask what you do for the Ducks?"
She just smiled and said "I'm the head of merchandise! I've been with the Ducks for all 30 years!"
I was floored, and as my partner owns a successful clothing/skateboarding business and my background is retail, sales, fashion, and design, I was like, “Hey, we gotta hook up and exchange contact info because maybe you guys can work together!” I wasn't even thinking of my brand yet, mostly because I wasn't sure when I was launching - and why would I EVER think that any NHL team would want to carry my stuff anyway?
Well, she had told me several times "I want to carry that 'Hockey Is Gay' shirt in the team store! But I can't. But I want to!" And I just thought that was so silly, and again, thought nothing of it, but it was a nice confidence boost. (By the way, I don't know that I'd ever sell THAT design to an NHL team, even if they wanted it or were allowed to sell something like that. That is something that is deeply mine!!!!)
Fast forward to launching the brand in September and she remained extremely supportive, from promoting the brand to her customers in the team store, to just general supportive encouragement. I believe she knew she couldn't necessarily make the kinds of products I'm making (because of legalities and contracts, and all that fun logistical crap!) but little did I know what was coming!
In November, she DID reach out to my partner and ask to sit down and talk. We couldn't sync up before he went away on business and I happened to go to a game by myself and see her and she said "Hey! I've been trying to get a hold of you guys!" I said "Oh, I know, but he's out of town right now! Sorry!"
And she looked at me and said, jokingly, "I don't care about him - I want to talk to you!"
I looked at her and my face must have said it all, because I don't think I responded. "I want you to design pride merch for us."
I immediately began crying in the middle of Honda Center.
It was a fast 6 weeks, and I had so many helping hands with designs, production, and funding. I also experienced two unexpected family deaths during this time, one on the same day I began setting up meetings for the collaboration. It was a whirlwind of a time, but the day, January 5th, finally came, and it was incredible.
From 21-22 season to this year, the effort that has gone into Pride Night at Honda Center is just a complete 180. 22-23 was their first official Pride Night, and they've really kept pushing to set a new precedent each time. It was a joy to see all the effort they put in for a crossover of communities that means the world to me.
I got to go on the jumbotron and be interviewed by DJ Jo Jo! I got to have my friends surrounding me. I got to autograph someone's sign (using my friend's eyeliner pencil - thanks girl, I owe you!)! I got to be there with my partner by my side who not only helped me every step of the way, but who has been so accepting of me and my journey of understanding my queer identity, which I did not uncover until I was in my early 30's. I got to be a part of a cultural shift that is taking place RIGHT NOW in hockey, and I don't think I could ever take that bit for granted.
I was treated very respectfully throughout this entire project, and the day of was one of the most fun days of my life. I was surrounded by about 20 personal friends who came with me to the game, but also an arena of people who were so so happy about the merchandise. I am still getting an array of positive comments when I go to games that fans are very excited about the whole thing.
I love that people on the inside of this organization are also aware of the change that needs to happen within hockey culture and that they are actively seeking ways to work with nonprofits, people within marginalized communities, and are committed to making a safe space at Honda Center for all.
(Coachella Valley Pride Gay Men's Hockey Team)
I knew this was a team I wanted to work with when I sat down for our first meeting and the first thing she said to me was the first question I had written down - "You don't have to make literal pride merch."
And for me, that was so freeing. My brand isn't a "queer hockey brand" - I am a queer owner of a hockey brand, and that experience, culture, and point of view will bleed in because it's who I am. Again, showing up authentically and just allowing it to speak for itself.
Pride merch, to me, can sometimes get a little hokey and also can be seen as performative. This collaboration didn't feel performative. It felt - dare I say it one more time? Authentic.
"I'm hiring you because it's you. I want your designs and your touch on things."
That was enough permission for me.
Now, how was I going to show the range of my brand, and ultimately who I am as a person, with just two designs? Me? The person who can’t edit anything to save their life. Me, the person who lives beyond what’s ever necessary and does everything in excess?
I recognized I wanted to do something that was extremely soft to juxtapose the toughness and hardness that is hockey. Rainbows are a huge symbol in my life, not just for queerness, but just because I love them and people in my life have always related rainbows with me! So I knew I wanted to do something with a rainbow that didn't just scream "PRIDE!" That's how I came up with the retro-inspired "Mighty Ducks Hockey Is For Lovers."
I also needed to have my signature big bulky text graphics, which is where the BIG DUCK ENERGY came from.
This was something I created over two years ago when I became a hockey and Ducks fan. It was one of the first things I designed and the sticker has been on my car for years. There was absolutely no way in HELL I thought the Ducks would buy that graphic, but I had to throw it in there anyway because I'm cheeky as hell, and as they told me, they wanted "ME." So. I threw it in there anyway. (I wasn't selling these at the time, so yes, I used the "D" without their permission - hehe!)
Out of 8 designs, the two that I was the most in love with that I thought showcased what the brand’s expansive range the best were, were ultimately the ones that got chosen. Big Duck Energy was definitely the "hit" and the one they wanted to use, but, still, it was a bit nerve wracking. It still had to be approved, and it was edgy. They told me there was no way they would have considered this 5 years ago. And I think that's really important to look how far we've come. Sure, it might be suggestive, but mostly it's just a fun bold design that has a lot to say - and a lot of people loved it and enjoyed it (hell, it sold out in a few sizes the first night! And - proudly, and oddly, it was bootlegged within hours of being released and I told my partner I sort of felt like "I made it" when that happened!)
I look forward to working with the Ducks in the future, potentially, as well as other hockey teams in my area. And who knows, maybe sometime I’ll get to do some stuff for other teams across the NHL too, if they’ll have me.
For now, I’m having fun designing, networking, starting to utilize means of my activist past into the brand, and most importantly, just being me every step of the way!
You can still shop the two designs on Anaheim Ducks Team Store here!
THANK YOU ANAHEIM DUCKS! THANK YOU DUCKS HOCKEY FANS!!!!!
